Lady Francisca of Emeron (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mostlyvacant) wrote2012-10-03 02:01 am
mostlyvacant) wrote2012-10-03 02:01 am
(no subject)
[dotted with wet marks]
[Filter: Canti]
I can't believe she said that to me! I've been waiting for her to make any kind of gesture that she might be at all like the Benedette who I used to look up to like a mother, but she just -- she just -- oh Canti, she's got nothing to say to me, and that's even what she said, that she has nothing at all to say to me after everything! I wondered why after so long she wrote to you and not to me, and now I know, and I wish I had never even written to her! At least before I could pretend she was too busy, or too caught up in her new life, or maybe she just didn't know what all of us were going through, but now I can't because I know that it's because she never wants to speak to me again!
I used to wish I could grow up to be just like her. It wasn't Mother, Mother never cared about me at all. Maybe only Daddy ever cared about me back then. Maybe she was just pretending. I -- I know you care now, Canti, but I never had anyone except Daddy and Benedette. Not until I started becoming friends with the guards and servants. Even Cavvy was never someone I could depend on, we were just forced together. But the two of them kept me safe from Tarmon whenever they could, and they cared when I needed help, and they always made time for me whenever I needed it. Without either of them I've had to ... I've had to protect myself. I had to go out an earn everything I'm ever going to get now and I've had to make all new friends because the ones I used to count on are all gone now. I know Lady Isanae protects me now, and I am really thankful, but she wasn't the one who did it all those years.
She isn't the one I wished I could show everything I've become now! I wish I could show Daddy and Benedette what a woman I've become on my own! I know they'd both be so proud of everything I've done. I've always hoped that the real Benedette would come back from Rhia, and I'd serve her tea, and she'd tell me that everything that went on was all just a lie, and I would forgive her.
I would forgive her for ...
It's not fair at all! It's just not fair! She's alive, she's ... it was supposed to be easier because I could write to her, but I wish I never had one of these stupid, stupid journals! I would never have known that she didn't want to talk to me ever again! I wouldn't have known that my sister changed!
Canti, it's just not fair!
[Filter: Canti]
I can't believe she said that to me! I've been waiting for her to make any kind of gesture that she might be at all like the Benedette who I used to look up to like a mother, but she just -- she just -- oh Canti, she's got nothing to say to me, and that's even what she said, that she has nothing at all to say to me after everything! I wondered why after so long she wrote to you and not to me, and now I know, and I wish I had never even written to her! At least before I could pretend she was too busy, or too caught up in her new life, or maybe she just didn't know what all of us were going through, but now I can't because I know that it's because she never wants to speak to me again!
I used to wish I could grow up to be just like her. It wasn't Mother, Mother never cared about me at all. Maybe only Daddy ever cared about me back then. Maybe she was just pretending. I -- I know you care now, Canti, but I never had anyone except Daddy and Benedette. Not until I started becoming friends with the guards and servants. Even Cavvy was never someone I could depend on, we were just forced together. But the two of them kept me safe from Tarmon whenever they could, and they cared when I needed help, and they always made time for me whenever I needed it. Without either of them I've had to ... I've had to protect myself. I had to go out an earn everything I'm ever going to get now and I've had to make all new friends because the ones I used to count on are all gone now. I know Lady Isanae protects me now, and I am really thankful, but she wasn't the one who did it all those years.
She isn't the one I wished I could show everything I've become now! I wish I could show Daddy and Benedette what a woman I've become on my own! I know they'd both be so proud of everything I've done. I've always hoped that the real Benedette would come back from Rhia, and I'd serve her tea, and she'd tell me that everything that went on was all just a lie, and I would forgive her.
I would forgive her for ...
It's not fair at all! It's just not fair! She's alive, she's ... it was supposed to be easier because I could write to her, but I wish I never had one of these stupid, stupid journals! I would never have known that she didn't want to talk to me ever again! I wouldn't have known that my sister changed!
Canti, it's just not fair!